In Parenting Today.
a look at how parents can either build their relationships
with their kids or destroy them with what they say.
And how using the right language can make all the
When it comes to parenting, one of our most important
things is building relationships with our kids.
And it's also important not to destroy those relationships.
So what are smoe of the things we can do or say with
our kids, that really helps to build that relationship?
Well, I think the first thing to really understand
is that our kids come to us with one request., "Dad
teach me the truth about life and prepare me to be
able to function in the real world in a healthy way.
So we come back to that a lot in parenting the love
and logic way.
There are a lot of
things that build and destroy realtionships.
It's the foundation of a solid parenting strategy.
Our attitudes, our language and our interactions.
Those are the big three.
We talk about not using judgmental language.
We call it the empty praise.
The throw away language.
When you are always saying "It's awesome." or "Way
to go." It doesn't see, to mean much to kids after
Because it happems all the time.
We can change that.
We always talk about the phrase "I Noticed." and not
wrapping it up with a judgmental phrase.
I might say " I noticed you've been coloring for twenty
minutes." "I noticed that's the hardest I've seen
you work at soccer practice." "I noticed" has no judgment
behind it and it can really build relationship.
Okay, that's good to hear.
Love and logic Parents use a lot of empathy to build
We set limits in firm and loving ways.
We expect our children to
do a fair amount of contributions,
notice I didn't use chores? But contributions to the
Why is it so important to say contributions instead
of chores? When we think about chores, we think of
hired hands or slave labor.
Contributions is a great way to build self-esteem,
meaning that our children can be effective and necessary
to the family unit.
And we also want to talk about some of the other things
we don't want to do that can destroy relationships.
What are some of the things we should really avoid?
We want to avoid things where we focus only on the
We use the phrase "Focus on the strain, not the gain."
Things that destroy realtionships are praising superficial
things like appearance.
Using language in manipulative ways, using anger,
lectures, threats and warnings repeatedly.Parenting
with a strong threat of sarcasm.
All of those things can really destroy relationships
with our kids.
And once again you talked about the strain not the
When you are talking about some of those things and
keeping it positive.
But there are still ways you can communicate with
your child, that your are not pleased with what they
Try to use the right kind of langauge.
Language truly does shape reality.So we want to focus
on theeffort that they put forth, not necessarily
"Hey you won the game" versus " I saw you really being
a team mate during that match today." So focus on
the strain not necessarily the outcome.
So if you want to learn more about the right kinds
of behavior and things you can say to your kids to
help build those relationships, just go to our website