There's a great song by Todd Snider called "The Ballad of The Kingsmen." In it, he sings, "Marilyn Manson gets a lot of chicks. They're weird chicks. But they're chicks."
And it's true. Heaps of (weird) women lust for Marilyn Manson. He's a bona fide rock star.
Really, that's why most guys get into playing music in the first place. To increase their sex appeal.
If, say, owning a bagel shop somehow proved to be just as glamorous, right now teenagers would be boiling delicious circles of bread in their parents' garage. But that's not the case.
In fact, never in the history of the world has anyone ever said, "Make love to me, Bagel Man."
Those words. In that order. Not even once.
Sorry, Bagel Man. They're just not that into you.
Whereas, when it comes to truly sexy male occupations, the official list seems to top out with musician, athlete, and Anthony Bourdain.
But good luck trying to get THAT job.
"Are you Anthony Bourdain?"
"Thanks for coming in. We'll keep your résumé on file."
Fortunately, though, almost anyone can at least aspire to be a musician, and a new study backs up this seemingly obvious connection between attractiveness and playing an instrument.
Or even just holding one.
You see, in the study, which was conducted by a professor at the University of South Brittany in France and published in the journal "Psychology of Music," a 20-year-old "good looking" man was challenged to ask 300 women for their phone number.
For 100 of those women, the man carried a guitar case. For another 100, he held a gym bag. And for the final third his hands were empty.
In the end, 54 women out of 300 gave him their number.
Which, even at an 18% success rate, still seems like a rather impressive return (And much better than my lifetime batting average of negative-12%).
Maybe it's time to change my go-to pickup line.
"So, do you like greyhound racing?"
But let's get back to those phone numbers.
In the study, 31 of the 54 -- a vast majority -- were achieved when the subject was carrying a guitar case. Fourteen women offered up digits while he was holding nothing. And only nine were received when the gym bag was used as a prop.
Scientific conclusion: Never exercise.
Ultimately, the research suggests that the attraction of a musical instrument is real, as it may indicate physical and intellectual abilities.
And I totally buy that.