As 1989 wound down, the world rejoiced. The decade that brought about the turned-up collar, feathered hair, and pastel pink shirts for men was coming to a close.
If only the world knew that the 1990s would have its own set of horrific fashion trends, the New Year's Eve parties would have ended and Dick Clark would have retired.
Identifying the five worst fashion trends of the '90s is comparable to finding the nakedest person on a nudist beach. A complicated measuring device, therefore, had to be utilized in order to rank the worst of the worst. It involved attaching electrodes to vital organs of individuals who lived through the decade and reveled in its fashions. The measuring instrument recorded the shock and embarrassment each individual felt while being shown photos of him/her donning '90s attire.
Well, not really. But since we think such a fashion litmus test would be more fun than a "House Party" movie marathon or a Bell Biv DeVoe reality show, start up your imagination, zip up your Starter jacket, dig your "Blossom" hat out of the closet and join us ...
No. 5: Zubaz pants
You remember Zubaz right? These were the pants that appeared to be the result of zebras mating with fashion designers, producing colorfully striped sweat pants with an elastic band.
Although Zubaz pants were actually invented in the 1980s, it wasn't until the early 1990s that this fashion blunder became a big hit with the steroid-using, gym-going, fashion-blind crowd.
In 2008 a group of washed-up football players and weight-lifters were sequestered and forced to watch archived videos of themselves lifting weights while wearing Zubaz pants. Two-thirds of the participants wept.
Zubaz pants are making a comeback, at least that's what the guy selling them on eBay says. Nobody, however, under the age of 35 has been seen wearing them in public in more than seven years. And that's a good thing. Trust us.
Vanilla Ice's hair, on the other hand, is not ...
No. 4: The Vanilla Ice look
The Vanilla Ice look began with white rapper Vanilla Ice. Unfortunately, it didn't end there.
The look is characterized primarily by the Vanilla hair style. The rapper's look appeared as though the result of several experiments with untold amounts of mousse products, some Vaseline and an egg beater. The look caught on and eventually reached a large portion of the white teenage community.
A hundred former white wannabe rappers (you know, the ones who still own a CD single of Snow's hit "Informer") were sequestered and forced to watch archived videos of themselves draped in Vanilla Ice attire. Most of them laughed, thinking it was Halloween footage. A few found the videos inspiring and relaunched their dormant careers.
Vanilla Ice himself helped eliminate the look forever during a 1999 MTV special in which he used a baseball bat to smash a tape of his hit video "Ice Ice Baby," along with much of the set.
At least he wasn't wearing rolled up jeans while doing so ...
No. 3: Rolled-up pants
Nobody's really sure who started the roll-your-pants-up phenomenon. Some speculate it was a conscious decision made by people with muscular calves. Others claim it originated accidentally when floodwaters consumed St. Louis.
Most people don't care. They're just glad it went away. Really glad.
The rolled-up pants catastrophe engulfed young people of all races. Traces of the catastrophe can be found in music videos, movies, and graduation photo albums. For some it wasn't even enough just to roll up the jeans, they had to -- bear with us here -- pin them up just right too. The horror.
A hundred graduates of the class of 1997 were sequestered and forced to watch archived videos of themselves at a high school dance wearing the aforementioned fashion faux pas. Most dropped their heads in shame. A few uttered lame flood jokes while looking nervous. This fad is now only found when there's rain and clouds.
Of course, it's always cloudy with this next group ...